Slow Change
by bearpantaloons
Summary: San Junipero AU. Quinn meets Rachel in San Junipero, a place where people can exist in any era and do anything they can think of. She never expected to get caught up in the whirlwind that is Rachel Berry.


Streetlights adorn the streets of San Junipero, although the lights from the shops illuminate everything on their own. Crowds of people walk up and down the sidewalks, either on their way somewhere, or meandering aimlessly with no final destination. There is a slight chill in the air and clouds begin covering the sky, threatening to storm down on the helpless crowds who didn't think to bring an umbrella with them.

Sylvester's Bar is always a popular place to go. Everyone in town hangs out there at some point and time if they don't feel like going to the alternate choice: The Stix.

It's Saturday night and it begins like every other Saturday night – people come into the city to visit friends, find dates, or just to get away from the mundanity of everything else. Sylvester's Bar is full of people sitting at tables or booths, or standing at the bar, waiting for their drink orders. Some people play the arcade games in the back corner; others are on the dancefloor, dancing to the loud music – women are wearing miniskirts and the men are either dressed in button-downs with their sleeves rolled up and man buns or they decided to go the alternate route with tight slacks and a sweater.

It's Rachel Berry's first time at the bar; she usually goes to other places, but thought that it was time for a change. The music blaring from the speakers makes it difficult for her to concentrate on anything, so she ducks into the arcade and finds a game that looks easy. Time Crisis is always a safe choice. She slides a quarter through the coin slot and starts a game. A nervous-looking man walks up behind her, sipping a beverage through a straw.

"I've had the highest score on there for months," he says nervously. He's wearing a green Polo shirt and brown khaki pants, nothing too flashy. "Is it your first time here?"

Rachel glances behind her, trying to concentrate on the game. "Yep, first time." The man hovers behind her, watching her play.

"M-maybe we could play together sometime. There's a two-player mode. Or, you know, there are other games here like Resident Evil and—"

"Darn it!" Rachel exclaims. She stares at the "Game Over" blinking on the screen and contemplates starting a new game or not. If she does, she'll have to keep awkwardly talking to the man behind her and she really just wants to be left alone. "Sure, maybe some other time. Excuse me, I'm kind of thirsty," she says as she makes her exit.

"My name is Matt Rutherford," the man calls out after Rachel has already left the room. He shakes his head and chastises himself. "Stupid!"

Rachel walks toward the bar and sees the bartender, a male in his mid-twenties with dusty blonde hair and black-rimmed glasses. She grabs his attention and orders a sparkling water. The bartender gives her a strange look, but obliges. Rachel sips her sparkling water and turns around on her bar stool and watches the other people dance and having fun. She spots a blonde woman in the center of the dancefloor, dancing with a blonde man in a button-down, but no man bun. The woman looks like she's been dancing for years – her moves are fluid and precise. The man starts to get a little hands-y and the blonde woman slaps his hands away and walks off angrily toward the bar. Rachel averts her eyes to make it look like she wasn't just starting at the woman.

"Hey, Artie, get me a gin and tonic, would you?" she calls out to the bartender. She turns around and sees the blonde man following her. She scoffs in disgust, looks at Rachel, and talks loudly over the music. "I need you to help me out. Follow my lead."

"Hey, babe, why'd you run off?" the blonde man asks.

The woman sneers. "First off, Sam, I'm not your babe. Second, if I wanted a guy's hands all over me, I could just go to The Stix. Third, this is my friend, whom I haven't seen in ages, and we'd like to catch up. She doesn't have much time left here."

"Right, a couple months at most." Rachel smiles and offers her hand, "I'm Rachel, nice to meet you." The man ignores her handshake offering and stares at the blonde woman, looking hurt.

"I thought we were having a good time, Q."

"We were, and then we weren't. Look, I'd really like to talk to my friend here, okay? I'll see you later."

Sam sulks off and blonde woman releases a sigh of relief. "Thanks, the guy is like a pigeon. You give him a few bread crumbs and he follows you everywhere. Rachel, was it?" Rachel nods. "I'm Quinn. Looks like you need a top up." She catches Artie's attention again and holds up her own glass. "One more gin and tonic for my friend."

"Oh, no, I wasn't drinking alcohol."

Quinn smiles at Rachel's innocence. "You're in San Junipero. Live a little, Rachel." Artie brings the drink and places it on a napkin in front of Rachel. She picks up the glass and sniffs it. It doesn't smell like anything, so she grabs the tiny straw between her fingers and takes a sip. It doesn't taste like anything she's had before, so she continues to drink. Another song starts playing and Rachel's eyes light up. "I love this song. We have to dance," she says while grabbing Quinn's hands and pulling her to her feet."

"What, with each other?" Quinn asks while slipping her hands out of Rachel's grasp. "I don't think…" her voice trails off as Rachel pulls Quinn toward the dance floor. Rachel starts moving awkwardly with the music, doing dance moves people haven't used in years. Quinn scans the room, looking through people's stares and checking for exits. The confident exterior melts away and her heart starts to beat faster; she can feel beads of sweat forming on her brow. People are laughing and looking in their general direction.

Quinn breaks away from Rachel and bolts out the back exit into the alley. She stands with her back flat on the bar's cold brick wall, trying to calm her heart beat. Soon after, Rachel comes out of the door, as well and sees Quinn, breathing heavily.

"Hey … Quinn, was it? I'm sorry, I have a terrible memory. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Quinn is still frozen on the wall; Rachel places a gentle hand on her shoulder and guides her over to some milk crates, so they can sit down. Quinn's breathing begins to regulate and she takes one last deep breath before speaking.

"Sorry, it's just that people were staring and laughing," Quinn's says as she looks down at her shaking hands. Rachel places her hand on top of them.

"No, I'm sorry. It was just my first time in this area and you seemed nice and gave me attention, so I thought that's what people did here. I guess every area is different. Have you been here long?" Rachel asks.

Quinn shook her head. "Not long, I'm just visiting. I thought I'd try something new, see where it leads me. Apparently, it leads me into a dirty alley with someone I just met. You'd think I would be able to shed all of my insecurities in a place like this."

"It seems like The Stix is more the type of place for people to shed their insecurities, among other things. At least, that's what I've been hearing."

Quinn snickers, "You have no idea. That place isn't for the faint of heart. That's actually where I met that guy I was trying to get rid of, Sam. He's mostly harmless, but maybe a little too eager if you know what I mean. I'm not here to get attached. We had a fling a couple weeks ago, but that's all it was."

Rachel nods knowingly. She can't help but notice the way the light hits Quinn's face. She slowly moves her hand from Quinn's and slides it to her thigh. When she first arrived in San Junipero, she told herself she was going to throw caution to the wind and would stop holding herself back.

"I know we just met, but I was wondering if, maybe, you wanted to get out of here," Rachel says as she lays her hand on Quinn's thigh.

Quinn stands abruptly and takes a couple steps away from Rachel. "I, uh, I can't. I actually have to go."

Rachel watches Quinn trying to leave. "It's pouring out there. Are you sure you don't want to wait it out? I know someplace we can go and we'll be dry and I won't try anything, promise."

Quinn looks at her watch that reads 11:59pm. "No, it's okay. I'll take my chances. It was nice meeting you, Rachel." She takes a few steps; she sighs and turns to see if Rachel is watching, but there's no one in sight.

* * *

One week later…

Rachel arrives at Sylvester's bar and sits at one of the barstools. She scans the area and sees a few of the same people from the previous week, but Quinn isn't among them. She orders a gin and tonic and takes it with her to an empty booth. She drinks her beverage and waves away people who try to strike up meaningless conversations with her. Rachel finally spots Quinn in the middle of the crowd and she's talking to another man that she doesn't recognize – a short man with glasses and a bush of red hair.

"So then, I told them, 'Hey, Drake is a music and fashion icon. His style will transcend time and space! And I'm pretty sure he's Jewish.'"

Rachel tries to get Quinn's attention, but they walk right past her as if she isn't even there. She watches them sit in a booth, Quinn listening very intently to what the other man is saying. Rachel sits in a booth across from them and sips her gin and tonic, not realizing that she's staring at the other two. Quinn glances over and sees Rachel, but she continues talking to the other man. Rachel, confused, begins to feel very small and out of place. Quinn looks over at Rachel, who looks like a hurt puppy and then back to the man she's sitting with, who is now talking about _The Martian_ and how it inaccurate it is and asks why so much money has been spent on saving Matt Damon.

Nearly spilling her drink, Quinn stands up and excuses herself to the bathroom. Rachel lays her cup on the table in front of her and follows Quinn. The bathroom door swings open and Quinn is looking at herself in a mirror, fixing her make-up, even though she isn't wearing any.

"Why are you ignoring me?" Rachel asks.

"I don't know if you remember, but our last encounter did not go all that smoothly," Quinn answers without taking her eyes off of her reflection.

Rachel furrows her brown, thinking about the previous week. "Perhaps not," she replied, "but that doesn't mean you need to pretend I don't exist."

Quinn finally turns to face Rachel, "Look, like I've told Sam before, I don't need wounded and lonely people following me all over San Junipero. There are plenty of people here to connect with. I'm just here to have a good time while I can." Quinn tries to maneuver her way past Rachel and Rachel blocks her path.

"What are you so afraid of? There are no limits here; we can do whatever we want, be whoever we want, but you seem stuck. Quinn, anything that happened to you before this place should melt away; none of it should matter, because you can start over here. I'm not looking for anything… permanent. I thought we _were_ having fun."

Quinn turns slowly and looks directly into Rachel's eyes. She searches them for any answers as to where Rachel had come from or how she got to be so unbearably optimistic. "Do you know how to surf?"

"Do I… what?"

Quinn repeats herself, "Do you know how to surf?"

"I don't see what that has to do with anything that we're talking about right now."

Quinn grabs her by the hand and escorts her out of the bathroom. They leave Sylvester's and head toward a red convertible Volkswagen Beetle and get in. Quinn lowers the top and they feel the crisp coastal air on their faces. The car engine roars to life and Quinn begins to drive. The twists and turns of the road make Rachel feel like she's on a rollercoaster. They pull up to a small coastal villa and get out of the car. Quinn opens the front door and turns on the light. There are photographs of a young blonde woman all around and seashells on every empty surface.

"Whose house is this?" Rachel asks.

"Family friend," Quinn replies, "Follow me."

They head to the backyard and into a shed. There are two surfboards hanging on a wall and Quinn takes them both down. They walk to the beach and Quinn starts teaching Rachel how to paddle on her stomach and how to stand on the surfboard. Eventually, they go out to the water and Rachel watches Quinn catch a few smaller waves. It's dark, but the moon is full and Rachel can barely make out the outline of Quinn's face as she surfs. She's smiling and it's the first genuine smile that Rachel sees on Quinn's face.

The following week, Rachel takes them both to a karaoke bar and sings show tunes and top 40 hits to Quinn, who defiantly remains in her seat no matter how hard Rachel tries to get her to get up and sing a duet; and the week after that, they both learn how to ice skate. They hold each other's hands for support as they circle the rink and when they stop in the center, they share their first kiss right before the clock strikes midnight.

Saturdays have become Rachel's favorite day, because it's when she gets to see Quinn. When she arrives at Sylvester's the next Saturday, Quinn is nowhere to be found. She asks Artie if he's seen her and he says Quinn hasn't been there all night. He suggests that Rachel try going to The Stix and that maybe Quinn just needed a change of scenery.

Rachel leaves the bar and starts trekking to the other nightclub. When she arrives, it looks dark and a little intimidating. She takes a deep breath and walks in the front entrance. The music is loud with deep bass pulsing in her eardrums. Everywhere around her, there are people wearing leather, some wearing nothing at all. Some couples are making out against the walls and others are taking their partners to the restrooms.

Sam walks by her with a taller Asian male and stops when he sees Rachel.

"Hey, I know you - Quinn's friend."

Rachel nods. "Right, um… I'm sorry, I forgot your name."

"It's Sam. This is Mike," he says, introducing the man next to him.

"Have you seen her? I tried looking at Sylvester's, but she wasn't there. I thought she might be here."

Sam scoffs. "She got you, too, huh? She seems to be the real love 'em and leave 'em type, minus the love."

"Have you seen her or not?" Rachel asks again.

Sam sighs. "Try another time. Sometime she hops around if she gets bored or too involved."

"Come on, hon, we don't have much time," Mike says to Sam. He nods and wishes Rachel good luck. Rachel watches them both leave and wonders how she's going to find Quinn.

* * *

1980's:

Rachel walks by a TV store that's showing cartoons that she used to watch with her parents while it was in syndication. She can't remember the names, but she recognizes the characters. When she gets to Sylvester's, a lot of people are wearing big hoop earrings, puffy jackets, and denim – there's so much denim.

She walks up to the bar and sees an olive-skinned bartender. She asks if she she's seen a blonde woman matching Quinn's description. The bartender gives Rachel a blank stare and tells here there are probably a hundred people matching that description in the bar alone, and she should get her Hobbit butt up and start looking. Rachel politely thanks the bartender as she turns away and starts scanning the bar again. The clock strikes midnight and Rachel knows she'll have to try again next week.

* * *

1990's:

Rachel tries looking for Quinn again, but like the weeks before, she isn't there. With a sigh, Rachel orders a gin and tonic and sits in a booth, alone. She sips her drink, which doesn't taste like anything and wonders how long she's going to continue looking for this woman she hardly knows. Everyone who walks by her starts to look the same - all wearing the same type of puffy jackets with permed hair and hoop earrings. The music in the bar is familiar, but a distant memory at the same time. She misses Quinn, or at least misses having a friend. It almost makes her regret blowing off that guy in the arcade. Almost. Rachel stands up and promises herself to look one more time and then she'll give up.

* * *

Early 2000's

Pop music that Rachel recognizes comes through the bar speakers. She doesn't normally listen to this type of music, but she had to while she was in high school in order to keep up with her classmates. People's clothing and hairstyles are looking more like what Rachel remembers and it is far different from the beiges and whites that most people wear in the current years. Rachel surmises that everyone is instructed to wear neutral colors to keep them all complacent. She has no proof, of course, but she knows a conspiracy when she saw one. In the distance, Rachel sees two figures bouncing around at a Dance Dance Revolution game and as Rachel walks toward them, she realizes that it's Quinn and that guy she met in the arcade the first time she first time she came into the bar.

Quinn gives the other man a congratulatory high five and turns around to see Rachel with a confused look on her face.

"What are you doing here?" Quinn asks.

"I was looking for you," Rachel replies. Her brow is furrowed now and her arms are crossed.

"Well, I'm here," Quinn quips back as she steps down from the game. "Excuse me."

Quinn starts heading toward the bathroom and Rachel follows, leaving Matt behind.

"I'll catch you two later," he calls out to them.

Quinn weaves between the crowd and swings the bathroom door open. She stands in front of the mirror and acts like she's touching up her make-up. Rachel bursts through the door shortly after.

"Why are you avoiding me again?" Rachel asks while standing a few feet away from Quinn with her arms crossed.

"I'm not avoiding you. I needed a change in music," Quinn answers without looking at Rachel. She avoids eye contact, because she knows that Rachel is upset and she would rather not look into the eyes of a pissed off woman.

"That is a load of crap and you know it. I don't understand what your proble—"

"Look, Rachel," Quinn says, interrupting Rachel, and now staring straight into her eyes. "I told you from the beginning that I didn't do attachments. I didn't with Sam and I'm not with you. I'm here to have fun and have a good time and not get all of this drama that comes with… whatever this is. I warned you from the start."

Rachel breaks eye contact first and looks down, feeling slightly embarrassed and ashamed. "I just thought that, maybe it was different. We were spending so much time together and… " Rachel's voice trails off and she starts to get angry. "If you want to go through this with no attachments, fine. Sooner or later, you'll realize that you can't be a hollow shell forever; otherwise, you'll just be stuck in this place like all of those sad people in The Stix who are just trying to feel something - _anything_. Goodbye, Quinn." She leaves the restroom and Quinn is shocked into silence. Her blood begins to boil when she realizes that there is some truth in what Rachel just said. She picks up a trash can and throws it at one of the mirrors, which shatters it. A few seconds later, it's put back together as if nothing happened.

Quinn rushes out of the restroom and out of the bar. She looks all around for Rachel and can't see anything in the dark. A couple nearby are leaning on a car parked on the sidewalk and Quinn approaches them.

"Have you seen a short brunette? She probably looked pretty pissed off." The couple look at each other and shrug. Quinn hears car horns beeping in the distance and follows the sound. Quinn sees Rachel walking in the middle of the street with cars passing her on each side. She dodges cars until she gets to Rachel.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy?"

Rachel continues walking. "It's not like I can die here and my pain threshold is set to zero. What do you care, anyway?"

"Rachel, I'm sorry. I was out of line. Can we move out of traffic and talk?"

Rachel reluctantly walks toward the sidewalk and sits on a set of stairs; Quinn sits next to her. They sit in silence for what feels like an eternity before Quinn breaks it.

"Do you want to get out of here?"

Rachel nods. They stand up and get into Quinn's car – top down, as usual. Quinn drives to the coastal villa and walks inside without a word. She picks up the same photograph that Rachel noticed when they were there before and sits on the couch; Rachel joins her.

"This is my daughter, Beth. She turned thirty-nine last week."

"She isn't here, is she?" Rachel inquires.

"No, she's not. She moved back to Lima, Ohio. That's where my parents live and where I… grew up."

Rachel smiles after hearing this information. "You're kidding. I'm from Lima, too. We should visit each other sometime."

Quinn shakes her head. "You can't."

"Why not?" Rachel asks.

"You just – you just can't, Rachel. It isn't possible."

They sit in silence once more. Rachel listens to the clock tick on the wall, watching the minutes pass.

"There's a reason why I don't do attachments and why we can't see each other outside of here," Quinn says as she lets out a sigh. "I passed over a year ago and didn't want to get attached to anyone who wasn't passed over, too. I didn't want to fall for someone who might leave. But, here I am. I wasn't counting on you. You weren't in any of my plans. So, I tried to leave before you could."

"Oh, Quinn, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. But, I wouldn't leave."

"You don't know that," Quinn says. "It's happened before. What's saying it won't happen again?"

"I'm saying it won't happen again," Rachel replies. She places her hand on top of Quinn's and Quinn doesn't flinch this time. "I won't leave. They'll have to drag me away, kicking and screaming."

Their eyes meet, Quinn cups Rachel's cheek and she leans in. Their lips touch, gently at first, exploring each crevice. Kisses become more rushed and desperate as if they're running out of time. Clothes are shed and Quinn leads Rachel to the bed. She tells Quinn that it's her first time with anyone and Quinn says she'll go slowly. Moments later, toes curl and bedsheets are clenched between fingers. The sounds of ecstasy dissipate.

"I love Saturdays," Rachel says breathlessly.

Quinn smiles and lies on her side, facing Rachel. She didn't know that this level of happiness could be achieved in San Junipero. It seems like everyone there is just trying to pass an endless amount of time.

Rachel looks into Quinn's eyes, which look distant.

"This might be none of my business and you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but why did you pass over?"

Quinn takes a minute to think about her answer. She breathes deeply. "When I was in my 30s, I fell in love with a woman I worked with. I never acted on it, mostly because I was with someone else at the time – a man. I did love him, and he was the father of my child, but it always felt like I wasn't complete. It didn't work out between us and he left. I decided to come out to my parents then, because I figured I was an adult and it was something I didn't want to hide anymore. So, I went to their house for dinner and I just told them after the tiramisu was served. My father was furious. He told me he never wanted to see me again and my mother sat there in silence as she always does.

"I ran out and drove off in my car. My vision was blurred from the tears and rain, and I didn't see that the road curved and I passed the median head-on into another car. I was in and out of consciousness for a few days, but I was able to get my will in order. I gave my daughter power of attorney and wrote her a letter that said I didn't want to live the rest of my life in a hospital bed. I wanted to pass over and she would be able to give the go ahead for that now. I know it's a horrible thing to burden a child with, but she's strong. She got that from me. After a while, they started letting me visit San Junipero and, eventually, I fell into a coma. And now I'm here. I guess it took Beth a while to let go, because I only passed over last year."

Rachel brushes a strand of hair out of Quinn's face and smiles. "I'm not happy that you passed over, but I am glad that we met. I don't think I would have ever met someone like you out there."

"Sure you would have," Quinn says with a chuckle.

"No, I don't think I would have. Or, at least, you probably wouldn't have noticed me."

Quinn kisses Rachel softly. "I'm noticing you now."

Rachel turns her head into the pillow and grins. She gets a serious look on her face. "Quinn, there's something I need to tell you. I—"

The clock strikes midnight and Rachel is gone.

* * *

A week later...

Quinn waits for Rachel at Sylvester's Bar, but Rachel never shows. She asks Artie and Matt if either of them have seen her and they both shake their heads. She tries looking at The Stix and the villa with no success. Rachel isn't there.

Weeks pass and then a month, but it feels like forever to Quinn. At first, she's disappointed and then anger sets in. She can't believe she allowed this to happen to her again. She curses Rachel and calls her a liar. Quinn stops going to Sylvester's Bar, never visits the beach.

Then, one day, she's driving down the highway, around a bend much like the one she was on during her accident. She starts speeding and swerving across the lanes. With one sharp movement, she turns the wheel and the car veers off the road and across the barrier. The car flips multiple times and Quinn is thrown from her seat onto the hard dirt. It takes her a while to move, but she lifts herself up, only to be faced with a familiar brunette.

"Hi," Rachel says softly.

Quinn stands up and brushes off her clothes, which are in tatters. She gives herself new clothes and stands a foot away from Rachel.

"Where the hell have you been? Do you understand what you've done? What you did to me? I told you that same night that I had been abandoned, which was why I didn't let anyone in and not a minute later, you left. What the _fuck_ , Rachel?"

Rachel looks apologetic and holds her hands in front of her. "I-I tried to tell you, but it was midnight and they took me out. I have Alzheimer's and it was okay for a while. San Junipero was keeping it dormant, so to speak, and it was allowing me to function. And when I met you, I started to remember more things – granted, I was remembering things about you, but still.

"That night, when I left, everything started going downhill. I didn't remember anything the next day – who I was, who my doctor was, the nurses, no one. They tried putting me back in San Junipero, but I couldn't remember where to go. I couldn't remember anything, only that I needed to find you. I looked for you. I swear I did, but I didn't know where to find you. I think I was even in the wrong year."

Quinn raises her eyes to look at Rachel, and unclenches her jaw. Her hands that are balled into fists begin to loosen and her breathing slows down.

After opening her mouth multiple times to speak only to have nothing come out, she finally asks Rachel one question:

"Do you remember how to surf?"


End file.
